Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
