Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
