We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
