No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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