U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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