Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
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i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
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I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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