In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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