Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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