Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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