Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
