Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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