Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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