So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
