Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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