Plan B is the new Plan A
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize