I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
