Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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