I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
