I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
