The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hippo gnu deer
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
