worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
