If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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