I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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