I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
