I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
