watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
