Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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