the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
