I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
