I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
