the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
