I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
