Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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