This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This baby is an asshole
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
