dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
