so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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