We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
