dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
