i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found puke in my bra..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
