I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
