He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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