Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
