Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
