And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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