what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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