I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
