I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize