it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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