I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
