Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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