Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
