You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
