i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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