Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
