He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
