cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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