you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
