just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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