i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
