I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize