I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
