if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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