You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i dont even know how to be here
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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