So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
