was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I will pee on everything he values.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
