considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
