she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
