watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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