lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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