I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
