fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
