I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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