90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
