when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
