i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
barbara walters just said penis...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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